glorious rock bottom
Sober Living

Coffee, Croissants and a dash of denial

“I made the decision there and then that I would simply have to give up giving up drinking. I needed to embrace booze, accept it, go with it: I had to stop trying to be something I wasn’t. […] Yes, that was my problem: I was too uptight about drinking, too anxious about it, and if I was going to do it, I might as well do it properly” – Glorious Rock Bottom

When I read those words the other night, lay in bed and feeling desperately sorry for myself after a session with friends got out of hand (read I didn’t get in till 11 am), it hit me: I’d fallen into that twisted way of thinking. Despite all I’d learned and my own experiences, I’d let alcohol whisper sweet nothings to me about how I don’t need to completely quit, I just need to find balance. I needed to relax and just enjoy drinking again.

Well, what a load of crap.

I am not, nor have I ever been, someone who can just enjoy drinking. Like most things in my life, drinking falls into the full steam ahead with no boundaries category. That’s okay because not being able to control poison isn’t a weakness, it’s a part of being human.

I love that as I keep moving forward on the sober curious journey, I put together more and more aha moments. They keep giving me more truths to build my new, better, healthier life on. With each of these moments, alcohol gets pushed further to the preliminaries of my life and one day, I’ll push it straight of the cliff and out of sight.

I strayed a little (p’ah a lot) last weekend, but I learnt something too. That I’m blindsiding myself with some good old-fashioned denial.

 This weekend? Well, I’m snug as a bug writing this on a hangover-free Saturday, coffee and croissants at hand. I’ve cancelled tonight’s boozy plans in favour of a cosy night in with J and Huckleberry. Bliss.

If, like me, you’re struggling to keep sobriety in the bag, just remember that steps in the right direction, no matter how small, keep us moving forward. We can do this, and we will do this.

Have a fabulous weekend everyone!

12 thoughts on “Coffee, Croissants and a dash of denial

    1. I enjoyed it up to the point I took it too far (probably after the first couple of hours) which, unfortunately, I always do. I don’t think anyone really can enjoy calling it a “night” at 11 am the next day, but I always seem to forget that at the time. 😅 It’s a shame because ultimately I ruin it for myself. Afterwards I couldn’t stop being sick, I had horrible anxiety and it took be about 3 days to feel human again so definitely didn’t enjoy it enough to justify the aftermath!

      1. That is a crazy all nighter!!! I’m at a point where even if I stop at 4 drinks and sleep a full night, I’m hungover all day. The after effects have just kept getting worse as I age!

  1. Love your honesty Paige and you’ve gained a big insight into the way the addiction tricks and cajoles us – now when I see friends which is admittedly less often (but there is a pandemic!) it’s a revelation that I have more fun than I did when drinking and I’m more attentive and a better friend. It became all about the booze towards the end – read this recently and it explained why it stops being fun eventually
    Keep going – you can do this! Xx💞💞

    1. Thank you! I have so much respect for your success in getting and staying alcohol free; it gives me hope and I have no doubt in my mind you’re right that it is so much more fun with friends when the main focus isn’t getting obliterated. Thank you for sharing the article too – I’ll be giving this a read tonight! 💜💜

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