Sobriety & Regaining Control
A while ago when I was feeling utterly lost and seeking solace in all-night benders, I would write down the daily affirmation, “I am in complete control of my life” because I desperately felt I wasn’t but wished to be. The problem was I had absolutely no idea how to regain control or get myself out of the vicious cycle I was in.
Low and behold, it turned out that those benders I was escaping in were a HUGE part of the problem. I was getting black-out drunk and throwing away any semblance of control as a response to the fear of not having control – crazy, right?
It wasn’t until I decided to embark upon my sober-curious journey, learning the truth about alcohol and experiencing first-hand the joys of teetotalism, that things began to change. As if by magic, life began to make more sense and things fell neatly into place. My anxiety levels dropped (no more throwing up with panic every morning, woo!), I finally finished my Master’s dissertation which had remained unwritten for months, I began to enjoy my job again and my relationships began to blossom. Bills got paid on time, I made actual real meals for myself instead of living on a steady diet of Hula-Hoops and Red Bull, and I didn’t leave doing laundry until I only had one clean sock left. Suddenly, adulting wasn’t quite so hard.
So today when I saw an article titled “Are you in control of your life?” and without hesitation answered yes, I smiled. I’m still sussing a helluva’ lot out but I now have the confidence to trust myself and I believe I owe that to exploring sobriety.