The magic of finding home in sobriety
Back when I was an over-enthusiastic drinker (I love that phrasing! I stole it from Clare Pooley’s amazing book The Sober Diaries) I always had the feeling I wasn’t where I was supposed to be. If I was at home I felt like I should be out; when I was out I felt like I should be somewhere, anywhere else. I could never settle. I felt desperately uncomfortable in my body, as though my skin wanted to be in one place and my skeleton in another. I also couldn’t stand being alone with my thoughts but often felt anxious in the company of others. I felt like a soul without a home, doomed to endlessly wander without direction nor purpose.
I realise now that the reason I felt so displaced in my own life was that spiritually, I was. Being constantly inebriated left little time for any self-development or care and a whole lotta time for self-hatred. I knew I wasn’t happy but didn’t have a clear enough mind to work out how to be. I constantly looked outside of myself for happiness, mainly in over-priced glasses of gin and cheap bottles of wine. I desperately wanted to hit the reset button on my whole life convinced that, despite all my achievements, I was a disaster who was destined to be forever lost.
Quitting drinking helped me to re-centre. It allowed the fog to lift and for me to take a good, hard look at my life, who I’d become and where I was heading. It turned out I wasn’t completely off track, I just needed a slight readjustment and before I knew it, I was heading in the right direction again. Today, as I sipped my coffee and listened to the wind bustle, I had the overwhelming feeling that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I was home in my mind, body and spirit. I gotta tell you, that’s a magical feeling.
P.s I’ve I hope you like the change from Life Beyond Hedonism to The Little Sober!